Kirby the Hairclip
by Felicity Wong (K3, Victoria Kindergarten)
Once upon a time, there was a little monster called Kirby. He was cute and he has a pink body, two pink hands and two pink legs and he has little cute eyes. Now that you know Kirby, Kirby is in space... a gloomy and dark space with lots of scary eyes looking at him and he heard woooooooooooooo... spooky voices too! But Kirby is not scared. Do you want to know why? Because he has a very strong ability... he can blow anything!
So, he blows away all the enemies, I mean animals like wild pigs and snakes. Kirby is there to help save the Waddle Dees and fight with the bosses. And if he has low energy, he can eat popcorn, gigantic ice cream and tomato!
And then, Kirby met a friend... I will secretly tell you something: the friend is bad! The bad friend Sucky asked, " Can you find me food?" Kirby said, "Yes," but... he has a super brain!!! Although he says yes, he ran away for six minutes. (You may think six minutes is short) But for Kirby, it is very tiring for little Kirby, and Kirby was tired and hungry after all that running... Luckily, standing in front of him was a doughnut tree!
The tree has a secret hole so Kirby could sleep in it. The other day, the tree asked, "Would you like a friendly girl called Felicity?" Kirby said, " Sure!" The tree knew how to walk so he said to me (Felicity), "This is Kirby. Maybe he can live in your hair, sleep in your pocket and you can give him food?" And Felicity said, "Sure, he is my new pet! Of course I'll do that, Kirby is my new pet!"
So Kirby doesn't need to worry anymore! And he can live on Felicity's head - just like a hairclip!
~The end~
This is a lovely and cute piece of writing! I love how you have used adjectives to strengthen the description and dialogues to move the story forward. I love love love the ending where you've put yourself in the story and taken Kirby home as a pet! Lovely work! One thing I hope you can work on is diversifying the use of "said" with more specific verbs that would bring more emotions and details. Well done! - Miss Janice